Testing 1-2-3…4-5-6-7-8-9-10…

I immediately told Sley when I got home that I took a test and it was positive. We both decided we weren’t going to tell anyone. Last time, we got a little carried away and then ended up having to “un-tell” people when we lost the baby, and let me tell you, “un-telling” is definitely not as much fun as telling. We tried to carry on with life as normal, all while being super giddy at home. Those of you that have been pregnant, if you could please let my husband know that it’s COMPLETELY normal to take a pregnancy test 1 to 2 times a day until it sinks in that maybe you really are pregnant. He would get so frustrated with me when I brought home yet another used test or one I was going to use. My phone, I KNOW, has about 30 to 35 pictures of nothing put pregnancy tests. I even added them to a collage where I could see the progression of the second line getting darker day by day. While I was excited, I was on guard, and I guess I thought I would get a clue from taking multiple tests if something went wrong? Yea, who knows the logic behind me spending all that money on pregnancy tests but at the time, it was so justified.

Any way, like I said, I found out 8 days before my expected period, on a Friday. We went the entire weekend not telling a soul. I got to work Monday and called my Dr. to let them know I got a positive pregnancy test. I knew it was very early but since I had a miscarriage last time, I didn’t know if there was a different procedure. The nurse told me she wanted me to come in that day for blood work, then come back on Wednesday, to make sure my levels were progressing as they should. After giving blood, I was told they would have my levels the next day. I remembered last time I was pregnant, my levels got to 500 and then I miscarried so I was obsessed with my HCG level.

Tuesday was filled with anxiety until I started writing bible verses around my desk and notes to myself from God to CHILL OUT. I called the nurse and left a message for her to call me back with my levels. I got the phone call an hour or so later. I could tell there was concern in the nurse’s voice as she told me my levels were very low, 35, but anything above 5 was considered pregnant so the real test would be Wednesday’s number. I hung up the phone and cried. I was so worried I was going to have another miscarriage. Those stupid HCG numbers always set me up for failure! I called Sley to let him know and although I could tell he was worried too, he tried his best to stay positive to keep his wife from having a mental breakdown. On the way home, I contacted a few of my prayer warriors, women I can trust with any intimate detail of my life, women I know without a shadow of a doubt that would pray for me. I prayed. I begged. Please God keep this child alive! Please Lord let me keep this one!

HCG levels are supposed to double every other day. I got to my appointment on Wednesday to give blood and I lost it. There are 2 women that work the lab at my office and they are both God sent. One seems to be in her early 30s, not married and no kids. She is very plain looking, no makeup, with her dark brown short hair always pulled back from her pasty white face in a pony tail. The other lady seems to be of Hispanic heritage and is very evident in her accent, is married with 2 kids, and has long dark hair always pulled back from her tan skin with dark eyeliner and faded lip liner. They listened to my worries and tried to reassure me that stressing would only make things worse and that ultimately God was in control. One of the ladies said the week before, a 7 month pregnant woman had come to the doctor for a regular visit and the doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat of her baby. Three days later, she came back and the heartbeat was as strong as ever. The lady told me this to say that God has a plan and even though doctors have education and experience, no one is better and no one knows more than God. I left feeling more reassured and blessed than I had in a long time.

Thursday, same routine, I called the nurse and left a message requesting my levels. An hour later the nurse calls and says the 2 words I so desperately wanted to hear, “They doubled!”

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