When I found out I was pregnant, it wasn’t the response any normal woman would have, “Oh my goodness I’m pregnant yay!” Instead it was, “Oh my gosh I’m pregnant…how do I keep from losing this baby?”
My periods are WHACK. Well actually, to anyone other than someone trying to have a baby, my periods would be a dream come true. Instead of the usual 28 days in between cycles, mine go 36. It’s nice having a longer break but makes things really tricky when trying to conceive. I was trying to give the calendar a break and just enjoy being husband and wife but it’s hard for someone who has been stuck to the calendar for so long to just let it go. This whole time Sley has been just amazing. He never once made me feel inadequate or guilty for not being pregnant month after month, but would always reassure me that God had a plan and to stop stressing out about something I can’t control. Every month I felt like I failed him.
I knew about the time I would “ovulate”. I just had a feeling that I should write down day to day how I was feeling to see if I could better tell when I ovulated if I wasn’t right. I started recording the day that my “calendar” told me I would ovulate.
Exactly a week later, I knew something was up by the symptoms I was writing down. I love me some food (normally) but all of a sudden wasn’t really feeling it, especially chocolate, which threw up a BIG red flag! I mean c’mon people, I turned down a chocolate cupcake for crying out loud…WHO DOES THAT?! I was getting up to pee at night but I attributed that to drinking lots of water during the day. I was having CRAZY dreams but I figured, it may have been something I ate or watched on tv. My throat hurt and I was feeling like I was getting a sinus infection but this time of year is when I normally catch something. I was extremely bloated and felt flutters in my stomach sometimes while sitting down but I just figured it was gas. I was trying so hard not to get my hopes up like I do Every. Single. Time.
Four days later, I had to take a test. Even though it was 8 days before my period was to arrive, things were getting more and more weird. I would go from freezing to burning up back to freezing in a matter of minutes. This would especially happen at night. Also, my face was breaking out with red sore zits, like the ones I had last time. So at lunch, I headed to Kroger, bought a test, and came back to work. Just like every month, before I did the test, I always prayed, “God only if it’s your will…” A few minutes later, a faint pink line appeared beside the darker one. My heart started beating so hard and I started sweating. OMG. Omg.omg. As I sat there in the handicap stall of the women’s bathroom with tears filling my eyes, I lifted my hands with the test still in one, and began praying and praising God. “Thank you Jesus! Thank you Lord! Lord, please keep me and the baby safe, please protect us. Please let me keep this baby…” I stuffed the test in my purse, washed my hands and ran to my friend’s cube to show her my findings. She was so excited and I just started crying. I was a sobbing sweaty mess. After I calmed down, I headed to my cube and just sat there in disbelief.
A few inches away, tucked neatly in my purse, was a positive pregnancy test…and it was mine.
To be continued…